Who can hurt us? The people we love – our family, friends, or partner. On most days, we fight and make up. On other days, we learn to ignore and let go.
But sometimes, the effect is too strong, and we look out for ways to tend to the deep wound. Waiting for a reason, apology, or closure – we keep running in circles and ruining our mental peace.
The good memories start feeling a bit bitter and eventually fade away. The bad ones make a home inside us, and the relationship decay. But amidst the process of pain and grief – lies the secret of healing and recovering.
Here is the 5-step, tried-and-tested recipe of success to teach yourself a new art – the art of forgiveness – one that will undoubtedly change the way you think, feel, and react.
Time to change your life, buddies.
Don’t wash away your anger. Channelize it.
Yes, you read it right. Don’t be mad at yourself for feeling bad. Inhale, exhale, take another deep breath and accept that emotions are a part of our lives.
Instead, divert its intensity to other places.
- Take a blank white paper and a pencil – scribble.
- Use YouTube or Spotify and put on some music.
- Think about the job you have been procrastinating on for the longest time (cleaning your almirah), and do it now.
- Go into the kitchen and cook a random recipe.
- EDM? Instrumental? K-Pop? Find your beat and start the dance.
Choose your channel/channels from step 1. And repeat.
Every time you want to yell or cry – do it while maintaining a distraction that lets your hands and legs move.
Our body shouldn’t give up when our mind is giving up because their partnership is important for our sanity. So, we shed tears in anger, pain, or disgust – only to be putting our conscious self to move away and do something else.
Give yourself a gift – take a social detox.
We don’t even realize the amount of negativity and comparisons we build inherently after scrolling through that Instagram feed or going through the freshly baked tweets. If you are hurt, the animosity just doubles and triples by social media.
Do yourself a favor and keep the phone away for some time. Take a call and decide the number of hours and time – but internalize your feelings and see the change. You will suddenly find a new friend – yourself.
Spend more time with yourself
Take a diary and pen or open Microsoft Word on the laptop. This is the step where we explore 10 important questions that we are finally ready to face.
- Who has hurt you?
- What did they say/do?
- Why are you so affected?
- Would you have done things differently, if you were in their position?
- Did they mean to hurt you?
- How long would you be able to hold on the grudge?
- Can you give them another chance?
- Can you try speaking about things with an open mind with the person who has caused you this pain?
- Have you hurt this person before?
- If they could forgive you, why can’t you?
Absorb. Process. Move On.
Move on! It is incredibly important to take your own time in going through the above 4 steps. It’s your journey – your way of discovering your sentiments. How you will react and respond to the questions above will determine your next course of action. Take your time to decide.
Repeat the process, if required.
The 5-step module isn’t a scientific approach. It’s an experiential approach based on human behavior, giving us just enough time to think calmly and rationally instead of hurting ourselves and the people we love in anger and disappointment.
Because the truth is – people will hurt us, and we will hurt them and life will go on.
We are only learning to love truly and forgive freely.
The famous Mexican painter, Frida Kahlo wrote – “At the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think we can.” And we just couldn’t agree more.
Related: The Art of Self-Control
