“But she spoke to me in such a rude manner!”
“I genuinely miss him and don’t know how to move on.”
“Usually, I don’t curse people, but I hope she suffers for what she has put me through all these years.”
“I can’t control my career path, and it’s making me go crazy.”
Resentment. Grudges. Pain. Heartbreak. Stress. Anxiety. Fear. Uncertainty.
Emotions are complex. What’s even more difficult is to win at them. We try to live our lives happily, but other people’s actions and behaviors affect our everyday mood as well. When we get stuck in a situation and undergo emotions like the ones mentioned above, either of the two things happens:
1. We take some time and move on automatically,
2. It feels like a huge pain in the chest, and life appears to be the toughest that it ever could be.
Congratulations if you were the recipient of the first option!
For the second – welcome to the other side. We are the deep souls who experience too intimately and hence, process feelings for a longer period.
We are the people who usually hear “let it go” and “move on” quite often and wonder how it would feel at the other end.
But worry not – we have got you insured of all your aches. Let’s decode this one step at a time.
What is meant by ‘letting go’?
From movies to songs to our everyday conversations with friends trying to cheer us up – “Let it go” is a common phrase used by people to tell each other that life is too short for any negative emotion inside yourself. It means being hopeful and positive despite the bitter memory-making place in our hearts.
It can be replaced and rephrased through several ways, all essentially meaning the same –
• Focus on the present.
• Let bygones be bygones.
• This won’t matter after 5 years.
• You can do it. You deserve better.
• There’s light at the end of the tunnel. (Personal favorite)
Can you move on?
Experts all around the world say that it takes exactly 21 days to create or break a pattern in terms of your habits.
Does the rule also apply when it comes to moving on? Absolutely yes.
It doesn’t matter if you faced a setback professionally or personally – the idea is that with the right approach, you can conquer your past and live the moment better than your last.
Why is it important?
Imagine you had an unpleasant experience, and your mind keeps revisiting it. You will become the metal, and that experience will be the rust that corrodes you from inside.
Take, for example, a personal loss like losing someone you love. Death is a permanent wound with no set time of recovery. So, what does a person do to overcome this natural cycle of pain? Acceptance of reality and refocusing on the present.
These conscious efforts of taking control of our lives are what distinguish our approach.
Secret hacks to let it go
1. So, what’s the right approach? There’s no set rule. You define what suits you. Go ahead with your gut feeling. Map it all out on paper. Scribble till your hand hurts, and your heart bleeds.
2. For people facing issues about expressing themselves, family therapy is a beautiful way of opening – not only at an individual level but also in front of your loved ones. Therapy is, in fact, the most underrated form of discovering yourself again.
3. Go for a morning walk. Put your headphones on with the music that puts your feet to dance. When you add a new activity in the day, it brings vigor, enthusiasm, and freshness.
4. Add any mindful practice to your daily routine. Something as simple as writing down 2 things that made you smile during the day can change how you feel at night.
5. Your mental and physical wellness is interrelated. Yoga, meditation, or physical exercise – find what the best companion for you is.
6. An unusual way of soothing your heart is by being the bigger person. Forgive, and forgive freely. This is the most difficult way but the most effective. Just write, “I know XYZ did this, but the intent was pure. It’s okay. I forgive him/her.” Writing helps, always.
7. Self-analysis is the best way to understand what you were, are, and want to eventually become. Reflect on what triggers you and a way that it won’t. Mind you, this is a life-long process and helps you not only let go but also become a better person every single day.
8. Avoid social laziness. Go out even when you don’t want to. You would prefer solitude over company – but stepping out from the older memories can be done only when you create the new ones.
9. Take a mini trip. Decide if you are more comfortable with family or friends or solo. Decide a place. Decide the timeline. Short or long – but spend time in a new territory to create a different headspace for yourself.
10. You need to talk to yourself in a better way. This is the most unconventional thing to do but make a regret-not diary. Usually, pain and suffering of any kind bring a lot of “what ifs” with it. The regrets exponentially increase with time, and there’s only so much that people around you can understand. Pour it all down in one-liners like “I wish XYZ had happened.” Right after that statement, change the tone and fix it with “I learned XYZ so that I could…” – complete it with an active voice of something positive. If you won’t talk nicely to yourself about your past, then who else will?
10 simple hacks for a 10 times peaceful time – try it out just once to see a fundamental change in your life.
How will letting go help you?
You won’t be surprised to find your muscle aches suddenly disappearing. The nagging of an irritating headache or an irregular sleep pattern will suddenly bid goodbye to you. Your long-lost energy will come to befriend you again.
Good mood and health are created by yourself for yourself. If you can let go of your life problems and work out the approach that best fits your deal with the ever-ending crisis of life, welcome – you too will be on the other side.
The other side? The one where you will be squeezing your experience in words and helping that feeling finally let go.